Orgasms are often seen as the ultimate goal in sex, but shifting the focus to pleasure can lead to a more fulfilling experience.
When you think of sex, what's the first thing you normally think of? If the answer is "orgasms" you're not alone. Culturally and socially, they often take centre stage, seen as the ultimate — and sometimes only — goal of intimacy.
But that tunnel vision view on sex can seriously hinder what intimacy should be about. Orgasms can become something to chase, rather than enjoy. This is especially highlighted by three out of four women reporting that they don't orgasm when having sex.
So by refocusing on pleasure you can transform what you experience beyond a binary goal of orgasms. And coincidentally, enjoy yourself a hell of a lot more.
The Orgasm Gap
Have you heard of the orgasm gap? It's a term coined in a Durex study to describe the orgasm inequality between sexes, couples, and orientation. With heterosexual women reporting reporting only 65% satisfaction when it comes to intimacy, compared to 95% of men.
You may have seen it bandied about a lot. But, a fun and healthy sex life can't be measured purely in orgasms.
The Pressure to Perform
The drive for orgasm can create significant pressure for both partners (or more, if you have them). Creating stress, anxiety, and a preoccupation with "success" rather than having fun.
It's the age old saying that you should enjoy the "journey" not just the destination. This mindset encourages an exploratory approach to sex and intimacy. Helping you be in the moment, increasing your awareness on what feels good, and what feels really good.
Exploring Sensuality
Intimacy is not just a physical act — it includes touch, emotion, and connection. And when pleasure is your primary focus, you can really deepen your understanding of not only your partner's desires and preferences, but your own too!
We get into habits — it's human nature to do so. But by doing this, we don't give ourselves the time and luxury to explore.
This can be through trying non-touching intimate acts, like talking or taking pictures. Or exploring new ways to touch, through massage or a massage candle like Melt from the Knude Society. Taste play is also a sensation we often forget in intimacy, trying out Couple Chocolates can add an entirely new dynamic to your time together.
Of course, toys are also a great way to explore — and not just in the obvious erogenous zones. Your body has over 30 (check out our exhaustive list of erogenous zones), and believe us when we say that they can be VERY surprising.
Toys are often used to "get to the good bit", but they can also be used to tease and build sensation — not only heightening the sensations that you feel, but also intensifying them too. Many toys have different settings as well, Wanda from the Knude Society for example has 20 to choose from. The different intensities and pulses can make for a surprising exploration!
Redefining what Satisfaction Looks Like
Satisfaction doesn't have to be measured entirely by an orgasm. There's loads of reasons why we might not orgasm — from stress and anxiety, to medication and cycles that our body goes through. By concentrating on pleasure, we can entirely redefine what satisfaction and fulfillment from intimacy means and feels like.
It becomes about so much more than the climax. It can become about discovery. About exploring a new connection with your body. Or a new connection with your partner. About understanding them on a deeper emotional connection as well as physical.
We reset our expectations — or completely remove them. Allowing satisfaction to become about the entirety of the experience, not just the single endpoint.
So, Should I Forget about Orgasms?
No, of course not that'd be insane.
Ultimately however, focusing on pleasure rather than orgasm encourages a deeper understanding of both yourself and your partner. Showing you what truly gives you pleasure.
And that is possibly the best thing to know of all.
A Word From For Play
