Being a woman in the modern world requires us to juggle multiple roles: decisive businesswoman, empathetic friend, sensual lover, caring mother, and supportive daughter.
With all these roles to play, how can we cultivate all these parts of ourselves and remain whole? Let me share with you my journey.
Building a Career
I grew up knowing that I wanted to become a lady boss, lead teams, and have a business impact. Driven by my pattern of high achievement, I invested a lot of time and energy in becoming great at business: I progressed fast in my career, earned an MBA with distinction from a top business school, became a business and career coach, and learned everything I could about management and leadership. My career was soaring, and I became a highly skilled Chief Marketing Officer working at leading start-ups. During the pandemic, I also created my own marketing consulting and training business.
Failing as a Woman
While I was successful in business and my career, I felt I was failing miserably in my personal life. I had lots of interested men around me, but no one seemed to touch my heart. I started asking myself whether it was a “me problem”. Also, I noticed that what made me very successful in my professional life made me extremely “undateable”. I was a direct communicator, good at decision-making, sometimes bossy, very rational, and cold. I was trying to build a relationship in the same way I built businesses: from my mind and not from my heart, from my professional self and not from my erotic self.
Importantly, it seems that I’m not alone. I see lots of professional women and men struggle with their personal lives: what made them successful professionally is exactly the thing that makes them miserable and non-dateable. We need time and space to connect with others, get in touch with the feelings we are looking for, and ultimately, develop our erotic selves.
Nurturing the Erotic Self
I had invested so much time, effort, and energy into my professional development. How much time and energy had I spent nurturing my female energy, my erotic self, and my sexual being? Almost none.
This realisation had a profound impact on me and prompted me to embark on a journey to explore my erotic self. I have tried:
- Dancing
- Slowing down
- Enjoying romantic movies
- Giggling and being silly
- Flirting
- Wearing dresses and skirts
- Being and receiving rather than doing
- Meditation
- Spiritual practice
- Sensual experiences
- Tantra
- Social shopping
- Masturbation
- Therapy
and many more practices, all of which reconnected me to my feminine side. I allowed my internal erotic goddess to flourish, and as a result, connected with a man with strong male energy, manifesting my dream relationship.
Falling in Love
Finally, I was deeply and madly in love. During our first vacation together, I was drawn to read the book “Mind the Gap” by Karen Gurney. It completely surprised me with the statistics: couples on average have sex three times a month, and sexless marriages are becoming the norm.
Will it happen to my relationship?
With these statistics in mind, I started to read dozens of books, listen to podcasts, and try to learn as much as I could about intimacy and sexuality. Esther Perel, Karen Gurney, Emily Nagoski… I was learning it all. For the most part, I was guided by the question:
How can we sustain fulfilling intimacy over the long term?
This question led to my journey of learning about my own sexuality and the science of sex. I discovered that experts have lots of advice to help us. For example, they suggest we should schedule intimacy and make it a priority in our lives and relationships.
The Birth of For Play
With this newfound passion, my business mind kicked in. How could I come up with products that remind couples to make time for intimacy and play?
This is how I created For Play: an everyday product that reminds us all about the importance of intimate connection. For Play Couples Chocolate is a mix of adaptogenic chocolate and a card game that allows couples to create time and space for intimacy and connection. Whether it is a long chat, vulnerable conversation, connecting hugs, or passionate sex—Couples Chocolates are designed to deepen the intimacy and enhance the sensations.
From CMO to Intimacy Coach
I found my learning fascinating: women tend to have responsive desire, we don’t have a sex drive (it is not a drive at all), and the mind plays a much bigger role in sex than I imagined. I was captivated by my learning and decided to become an Intimacy Coach with the Sexual Health Alliance, as well as to deepen my tantra practices. I love the combination of learning and experiencing the concepts myself. My Intimacy Coach journey allows me to think about how to enhance intimacy in people’s lives with new For Play products.
Also, it enables me to enhance my own intimacy journey with tools and techniques that are based on science and recommended by leading sex coaches.
Below, I want to share my favourite intimacy findings and habits that help me:
Intimacy ritual
My partner and I have a ritual that allows us to transition from our professional selves into our erotic selves. It includes taking a shower, enhancing the ambiance with candles, music, a special scent, and wearing sexy underwear, all of which help us reconnect with our erotic selves.
Sex o’clock
9 pm is our sex o’clock or, better said, “intimacy time” when my partner and I engage in any form of physical intimacy: hugging, kissing, giving each other massages, or any forms of sex.
Simmering
We try to engage in simmering or being sexual with each other as much or as long as possible. This can include hugging in bed every morning, passionate kissing, and sexual lift rides.
Trying something new
We love new destinations, new spas, new exercises, new workshops and new fantasies—novelty is crucial to sustaining desire.
Sex Talk
Relationships check-ins, asking each other “How can I make you happier?”, everyday appreciation, positive reinforcement, and card games (intimate questions that allow us to deepen our emotional and intellectual connection) all help to maintain the intimacy and connection.
