When we think of foreplay, most of us can generate an image in our minds of what this looks like for us.
But these days, as we move towards a more expansive view of sex and sexuality, this concept of foreplay is starting to seem a little outdated, with its relatively narrow focus on heterosexual pleasure. A broader view would be to see foreplay as anything that works for you and your partner to elevate desire, sensuality, eroticism, and arousal.
Foreplay can include everything from gentle kisses to intimate conversations, erotic massages, and playful teasing—whatever fuels the flames of desire. In fact, penetrative sex doesn’t need to be the grand finale or even on the menu if you don’t feel like it. When done right, great foreplay is plenty hot enough.
The complex phenomenon of foreplay is also a crucial element of sexual wellness. By dedicating time to foreplay, you're nurturing emotional connection, cultivating sexual excitement, and ultimately, amplifying the pleasure quotient of your overall sexual experience. Who’s ready to join us on the thrilling ride to better foreplay?
The Modern Outlook on Foreplay
It’s Much More Than Just Sexual
Foreplay is much more than just the physical activities at the beginning of sexual rendezvous. It’s emotional, and it’s psychological. Foreplay can be a suggestive glance, a warm hug, a gentle touch, a flirtatious I-want-you-now message, or light-hearted banter. Emotional foreplay is a brilliant way to work up to physical foreplay and build intimacy in your relationship.
You are Always Foreplaying
From the moment you wake up, you start to foreplay with your partner. Foreplay is continually present in a relationship, starting from the conclusion of one intimate experience and hinting at the next one.
Foreplay is not five minutes before the real thing. Foreplay starts at the end of the previous orgasm. Esther Perel
Over time, foreplay gives us the freedom to work out what feels good, for no other goal than experiencing pure pleasure and nurturing lasting erotic energy.
Foreplay is a State of Mind
It follows that if we are always foreplaying, foreplay is an energy that runs through an entire relationship. This foreplay energy is part of your state of mind, influencing the way you feel about your sexuality, body, partner, and connection.
Through nurturing the foreplay energy in your relationship, you can foster a state of mind that is open to intimacy and exploration with your partner, elevating your connected sex lives.
Foreplay is For Play
A good way to think of foreplay is to focus on play and playfulness. After all, great foreplay is made of the same things that make play so fun—flirting, teasing, playfulness, bonding, and trying new things.
Think of it as anything that you and your partner engage in to turn each other on and set the mood, no matter what happens before or afterward. You might have just finished a serious work call, but turning your mind to play can open up the opportunity for a relaxing, intimate experience with your partner.
It's Not About Sexual Intercourse
So often our sexual experiences are goal oriented, with each chapter of love-making geared towards sex and its climactic moment. We’ve all experienced foreplay as a means to an end, but what happens if we focus on foreplay itself?
“Foreplay is often talked about as the ramp up to the “real thing.” Yet, for many of us, foreplay is the “real thing.” Esther Perel
Free yourself from expectations in your sexual experiences—by focusing on foreplay and pleasure for pleasure’s sake.
Benefits of Foreplay
So given foreplay’s deep connection with so many parts of our relationships, it seems we can’t neglect it. But even more importantly, we shouldn’t neglect it—foreplay itself brings lots of benefits, be it as a way to connect, express desire, enhance the sexual experience, increase playfulness in our relationships, or simply spice things up.
Emotional Bonding
Beyond physical pleasure, foreplay fosters emotional intimacy. Through shared moments of touching, caressing, and communicating, partners form deeper connections. This mutual trust and understanding can reinforce the relationship, creating a more fulfilling and satisfying sexual dynamic.
Psychological Satisfaction
Foreplay also provides immense psychological benefits. For example, the anticipation during this prelude can heighten sexual pleasure. This isn’t just hearsay: research has shown that those engaging in extended foreplay actually report increased sexual satisfaction.
Additionally, foreplay can reduce anxiety and stress related to sexual performance by fostering a more relaxed intimate environment, allowing us to express our intimate selves more freely.
Discovery and Exploration
Aside from enhancing our sex lives as they are, foreplay is a chance for creativity and sexual discovery. It offers an opportunity to understand better what excites you and your partner, leading to more satisfying and diverse sexual experiences.
Foreplay Tips
With foreplay so deeply entwined in our lives, we all could benefit from sharing tips and tricks to get the most out of this intimate human experience.
But despite its universality, foreplay isn’t a one-size-fits-all. Each person is unique, with unique sexuality. So, consider this list of foreplay-enhancing ideas as a menu of options. Select what suits you and your partner best, adapting these suggestions to your individual tastes. The goal is to ensure mutual enjoyment and excitement. Explore and enjoy!
1. Schedule Your Sex Life
A planned erotic rendezvous is the ultimate form of foreplay: flirtatious sexting, increased sexual tension, and the thrilling anticipation of pleasure make for a sumptuous sexual experience.
Related: Scheduling Sex Is The New Sexy
2. Create a Sexy Bedroom Ambiance
To create a sexy ambiance in the bedroom, start with tidying up to make the space inviting and peaceful. Invest in quality, soft bed linens and a few plush pillows to enhance comfort and support. Dim the lights or use candles to establish a warm, intimate glow.
Scents can play a significant role, too—consider essential oils or scented candles with sensual fragrances like vanilla or sandalwood. Background music can heighten the mood—all you and your partner have to decide is what type of music turns you on, whether its slow, soft melodies, or stirring lyrics.
Related: Explore one of our Spotify playlists specially created for the bedroom.
3. The Power of Kissing
Kissing is the most erotic component of foreplay, serving to foster pleasure and connection. Start with slow, deep kissing of your partner's lips, and don’t forget to explore other types too:
- French kisses - an open-mouthed kiss with tongue-twisting
- Surprise kisses - delivered out of the blue and accompanied by a hug
- Necklace kisses - plant a circle of light pecks down your partner’s neck and collarbone
- Body kisses - let your kisses wander across your partner's body, covering your partner's neck, ears, forehead, chest, back (an unexplored erogenous zone), buttocks, thighs, inner thighs, behind the knees, and even toes
- Interrupting kisses - kissing your partner while they are busy
- An ice cream kiss, hot tea kiss, chocolate kiss…Your imagination is your guide.
Experiment with kisses of varied intensities. Maintain eye contact, and let your gaze communicate your desires while your lips are at work. This unspoken dialogue can amplify the intensity, making the experience all the more stimulating.
4. Tantric Foreplay
Tantra emphasises a slow, mindful approach to intimacy, valuing the journey of sexual arousal and preparing both mind and body for the sacred union of partners.
Just like tantra, foreplay is meant to prepare the partners for intimacy. To bring some tantra into your foreplay, try practices that build connection and trust, like:
- Taking a sensual bath together in a tranquil setting
- Connecting with your body using meditation or deep breathing
- Trying the yab-yum position by sitting facing each other with your legs intertwined
- Exploring touch using light stroking, firm pressure, a feather, or soft fabric
- Using tantric breathing by breathing deeply and slowly to distribute the intensity of pleasure
- Maintaining eye contact while exploring each other
5. Unlock Pleasure With Sensual Massage
There's a reason they say that classics never go out of style. Sensual massage is one such time-honoured foreplay technique. Take turns exploring each other’s bodies through touch, asking your partner about their preferred areas for arousal. Enhance the experience by using a high-quality and preferably edible massage oil for a smoother, more pleasurable glide. To elevate the experience further, consider diving into the world of tantric massages, like the lingam, yoni, or nipple massage.
6. Switch up Your Location
Sexual variety makes us feel adventurous. Who says the same bedroom has to be the only place we have sex? Here are some other foreplay ideas to explore:
Explore your home
Is there another room you could try? The living room, bathroom, in front of a mirror or on a kitchen counter? Also, you could create a nest on the floor out of comfy blankets and pillows, surrounded by a basket of intimate accessories and sexy music.
Venture outside
Find a secluded spot outside and let nature be your playground, whether it’s a rooftop rendezvous or a picnic with benefits.
Get creative
Is there somewhere unconventional that you’ve dreamt about having sex? In a hotel room, on the beach, on top of a mountain…
7. Try Mutual Masturbation
Mutual self-pleasure is a deeply intimate form of sexual expression, offering both partners a chance to explore and understand each other’s pleasure. Here are some hot tips:
- Start touching yourself whilst looking into your partners’ eyes
- Touch each other while masturbating
- Add sex toys into your masturbation routine to add some thrilling vibration
- Edge yourself to build up a more intense orgasm
8. Enjoy an Oral Treat
Oral sex offers an intimate and satisfying route to pleasure, building anticipation and sexual arousal. Test out the following ideas to take your oral explorations to a new level.
Tease first
Start with gentle touches and kisses on less sensitive areas, gradually moving towards more erogenous zones. Tease and tantalise your partner.
Taste sensation
Make things slippery with flavoured lube or saliva. Play with speed, pressure, and depth.
Hand-to-mouth
Connect your hand to your lips, moving up and down, and use your non-dominant hand to caress your partner’s balls.
Lollipop technique
Use suction as you move your mouth up and down for added pleasure.
Twist technique
Twist your hand and mouth in a clockwise motion as you move up and down.
9. Combine Sex and Food
Make a picnic in bed with sexy snacks that can easily be shared or by adding lickable food like honey, syrup, or caramel. Here are some delicious ideas:
- Eat foods off each other, such as berries, whipped cream, or chocolate syrup
- Sweeten your kisses with ice cream, honey, syrup, or caramel
- Make your oral games more sensual by adding your favourite lickable treat
- Drop delicious food on your partner’s body and lick it passionately
- Hide drops of something sweet anywhere on your body and allow your partner to discover it with their tongue
10. Play With Toys
Sex toys can add an exciting element to your sex life. Choose toys that you would like to explore together by browsing an online adult shop. If you need some inspiration, here is a list of the most popular ones:
- Clitoral vibrators
- Dildos
- Anal toys
- Penis sleeves
- Penis rings
And remember: get all slippery by using plenty of lube to make the experience more sensual.
11. Make a Sexy Playlist
Create a shared playlist on platforms like Spotify, where both of you can contribute seductive tunes. These can either be inherently sensual songs, or melodies that echo the essence of your relationship, allowing you to craft an ambiance that's erotically and romantically yours.
Need some inspiration? Get your partner and yourself in the mood with For Play Spotify playlists designed to tantalise you.
12. Dive Into Erotica Together
Consider immersing yourselves in the world of erotica, either by reading from a book or an online source, or penning your own sensual tales to share. This exchange also helps you and your partner to reveal your fantasies, making it a brilliant workaround for those who might feel bashful discussing their desires openly. Alternatively, audio erotica offers another engaging medium to explore.
13. Shower Play
A wet, sensual, and slippery shower together is a hot and erotic experience. Follow these erotic steps to enjoy it to the fullest:
- Prepare in advance with props: shower oil, blindfolds, candles, and ice cubes
- Light up the candles
- Blindfold your partner and guide them under the shower
- Use the shower oil to massage them under the water
- Caress and kiss their skin and sensitive areas
- For extra effect, slide the ice cubes along their skin, focusing on sensitive areas
14. Play With Blindfolding
Blindfolding focuses your attention on other senses and leads to heightened arousal. It can be a fun and exciting way to add variety to your erotic experiences.
Here are some sensual tips for blindfolded pleasure-seeking:
- Use a soft, comfortable material for your blindfold
- Keep the body guessing with unexpected motions
- Experiment with pressure (light vs. deep), shape (circles, flicks), location, and rhythm
- Experiment with different textures, flavours, and scents to add excitement
15. The Dance of Desire
Picture this: your body intertwined with your partner’s, the heat of their breath tantalisingly close as you move rhythmically to the pulse of sultry beats. This is the dance of foreplay. To turn up the heat, lower the lights, and gradually shed your garments, savouring every moment with a teasing smile. This dance isn’t just about the physical—it's a thrilling prelude, a playful promise of what’s to come.
A word from For Play
Foreplay is a playful anticipation that enhances our everyday intimacy and gives us more reasons to long for each other. By now, you should have a menu of foreplay ideas to explore to bring sex with your partner to an even more intimate level. Here’s to happy and fulfilling foreplaying!
